Unrequited Love - The Wikipedia Definition

Wikipedia says: Unrequited love is love that is not reciprocated, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. The beloved may not even be aware of this person's deep feelings for them. This can lead to feelings such as depression, low self-esteem, anxiety, and rapid mood swings between depression and euphoria. In extreme cases it may even lead to suicide. Being such a universal feeling, it has naturally been a frequent subject in popular culture.

Some music from the Warblehead Union - Full Moon Walking

Start here, at the beginning

To make this story more readable, and make it more like a narrative, I have changed the dates which is the only way to re-arrange the order of Blogger posts that I have found.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Buster the Chick Magnet


Fate had brought them together. Just a few days after Dave separated from his wife at age 50, and moved into a townhouse, he was walking his dog Buster, a fluffy white mix with one ear up and one ear down. Buster started pulling him and then he saw her across the street - a girl walking a dog. She was short, slim and attractive. She was wearing tight jogging shorts and a skimpy top with bare midriff... revealing a tight body. She smiled at him and shouted "Hi - what type of dog is that?" They chatted politely for a couple of minutes then they walked in opposite directions.

... Wow, he thought. HOT CHICK! Thanks Buster, the chick magnet! Who knew that his dog could attract such attention. He knew that walking alone, he would not have got more than a passing hello. And Dave was not good at striking up conversations.

The next day, around the same time, he ran into her again. This time, Dave introduced himself, and they walked together. Her name was Laura, her dog was Jake. He learned that she too was separated from her husband for the last 16 years, but still married. She lived in the apartment building across the street from his house. Her name was Laura. He was struck by her very sexy body. He was surprised to learn that she was 46, a few years younger than he was. She looked younger, her skin was smooth. Her breasts were medium sized and firm, her small nipples visible through the material of her shirt. She was tanned, she worked out regularly at the gym, and also jogged daily so she was in fantastic shape. She was attractive, her hair long, tied up in a bun.... He did not need to be a great conversationalist, she talked openly and they went around the block three times. Most of the time they talked about their dogs, they learned they had adopted the dogs from the same place! His dog, Buster was similar in looks and size as Jake, and the dogs enjoyed being together.

That night, Dave thought about the day's brief encounter with this hot chick. He imagined making love to Laura.... her taught, tanned body close to his, sweating as they made love. She was on top of him, her small body slowly riding up and down on him, then moving faster and faster as they reached their climax. They kissed passionately in the afterglow of their lovemaking...

He met Laura again walking with another girl and dog, who he learned was Ella. He saw Laura and Ella regularly on dog walks. Ella was nice looking and easy to talk to ... but she had a boyfriend. And while he enjoyed talking and walking with Ella, it was simply as friends ... He looked forward to seeing Laura the most. It made him feel good that an attractive girl would be his friend. And he looked forward to their conversations. They were not deep or philosophical but they were often intimate. She talked openly of her failed marriage, how she still saw her husband regularly as a friend but could not live with him. He was keen to get to know her better, she gave her her cell phone number so they could coordinate the dog walks. But when he asked her out after a week of walking, she turned him down, said she was thinking about getting back with her husband. Being a nice guy, he dropped it. After all he knew that she knew that he had just separated.....

Dave tried some online dating. He met a few women, had a couple of dates, but nothing serious. Meantime, over the summer and on into the winter Dave and Laura walked together regularly. He shared some of his dating travails. Sometimes she would talk non stop. She explained that her asthma medication made her hyper. But he did not mind, he could listen to her for hours. She was amusing, her sense of humor dry like his. Their conversations ranged from work to dogs, to her family, his family, his issues with his wife, her husband's problems... he invited her to a concert but she was already going with her family, he asked her to go for dinner but she said she was busy... it was clear that while she liked to chat with him, she did not want a relationship with him. She came to his house so the dogs could play in the yard, but all the while the relationship was "just friends". He did not push it - after being married for so many years, his dating skills were rusty, and he was shy of rejection. But secretly his crush on her was growing. One day he saw her walking in her "street" clothes. She looked stunning. Her hair for once was not tied up, it was long and golden flowing on her shoulders. But she was with her husband walking their dogs. So he did not tell her how great she looked. What a fool!

One weekend he noticed her car was gone, after a couple of days he texted her and asked if she was away somewhere nice. She replied that a male friend was had been admitted to hospital suddenly, and she was spending time there as he went through tests. He thought it interesting that she should spend so much time there but did not think too much about it. Maybe Dave should get sick if that's what it would take to get her attention, he thought!

Dave's birthday was coming up. He suggested that Laura might help him celebrate it over dinner - just dinner, he said! She appeared to agree, though she was "not sure". Vaguely suggested "we" might be out of town. A couple of days later, the night before his birthday, he saw her, she was walking with her husband. She got a phone call and dropped behind, she seemed agitated, so he chatted with her husband and when they got to the apartment entrance, he left them and walked on home. Later he texted her to see if she would be able to make the dinner date and shortly she replied she was unable to....

So Dave's birthday was rather depressing - he did not see his daughter either, no cards or presents. And no Laura. The next day he ran into Laura and Jake, and they walked together. She apologized for not being able to have dinner, then she told a story. She said the phone call was from her sister. Laura did not watch TV news or read the paper often, but her sister had seen a story about a guy who had been killed in a motorcycle accident and recognized him as someone Laura had dated recently. She had broken off the relationship a month or so before. But she looked at the obituaries in the paper, thinking she should go to the funeral and pay her respects. But as she read on, she learned that they guy had a wife, they had only been married two months. And not only that, the guy had got married during the time he was dating Laura! As she read the paper, fascinated and disgusted at the same time that this guy who claimed to be single had lied to her, and had continued to sleep with her after he got married!

As Laura shared her story, Dave commiserated with her. he was surprised that she had been dating this guy as she had not talked about him while they were dog walking. But at least "dead guy" would not be coming between them. Dave definitely had strong feelings for Laura but he had kept them bottled up. A few days before Christmas he asked Laura to go to a movie. She turned him down. She then explained she was dating someone, had been seeing him for a couple of months, and thought he might be Mr. Right. He had a daughter and was divorced and she thought that he finally might be the one for her. Dave kept a brave face, said "no problem", but he went home and cried. He was devastated that this girl, who he had grown to care about so much, had not seen him in the same light. He had given her openings and she had not bitten. Dave was self conscious of his body. While he had lost quite a lot of weight and his friends said he looked good, her fabulously fit gym-buffed body made him insecure, so he had avoided asking her out.... and now she was seeing someone who could be Mr. Right!


Dave started to have thoughts about kissing Laura. Passionate kisses. Fully clothed, romantic kisses sitting at a beach. This was not how he usually thought about girls, he realized. He would look at their bodies, imagine them naked and perhaps having sex with him. But kissing was not something he routinely thought about. He realized that his thoughts for Laura were stronger than he had realized.


Dave would also walk with Ella frequently, she was an early riser unlike Laura. So he confided in Ella about his feelings for Laura. She told him that he should invite Laura to the dog park and tell her how he felt. So next day he did that. He was surprised that Laura agreed to go to the dog park with him... They sat together and she told him a little bit about her new love. He explained to her that he really liked her, he looked forward to walking and talking with her, and how she had helped him though a difficult time since his separation. But he stopped short of saying he was in love with her. He felt that, after her experience with two-timing "dead guy" and the fact that she deserved to meet Mr Right, that he should not complicate things for her. Instead, he told Laura he wanted to be her friend and to do fun stuff with her as a friend. He was not sure if Laura was buying this but she seemed to be OK with it. Dave's rationale was that at least he could continue to see her, talk with her, and at least stay in the running. And, being a nice guy, he did hope that she would find lasting love.

As they walked and talked, they sometimes shared intimate details. Laura would sometimes say she was depressed. She talked about being on anti-depressants. Dave wondered, if she was really in love with Mr. Right, why was she depressed? Maybe there was hope. Or was he deluding himself?

He inquired about her New Year's Eve plans, without directly offering an invitation. Laura said that she was not sure, she might spend it with her boyfriend, but that he might be out of town with his daughter. Her backup plan was to spend time with her niece. Dave thought he might be spending New Year with his own daughter so no expectations there.... But as luck would have it on New Year's Eve Dave ended up alone at home. He sent Laura a text message to see what she was doing but there was no reply. Her car was gone overnight.

On New Year's Day Dave was driving home at lunch time and saw Laura driving into the apartment complex. He went over and talked to her. She gave him a New Year's hug and let him kiss her on the cheek, his first ever experience close to her. She explained she had spent the night with her boyfriend and his daughter and apologized for not replying to his text. She seemed to have had a good time.... and had even left her dog at home with her husband. Dave noted that, as she rarely put anyone ahead of her dog, this must be serious. Then, she let it slip that the boyfriend lived in the same building as her. Dave had wondered because her car was usually at home at night, if he was sleeping over. Now he realized that every day he was walking past the apartment where she could be sleeping with the other guy. Maybe the boyfriend had watched them walking? Was he secretly mocking Dave?

He left her with a heavy heart. His only hope now was that Laura's relationship might falter. But if it did, what guarantee was there that Laura would ever see him as anything but a friend, a confidante?

Later that night, Dave lies alone in his bed watching a DVD, Closer, with Julia Robers, Clive Owen, Jude Law and Natalie Portman. He enjoys watching Natalie Portman portraying a stripper giving Owen a private lap dance. And soon his thoughts switch to his own love interest. He fantasizes that instead of kissing Laura on the cheek, he had bent her over her car hood, pulled down her panties, pushed his fingers roughly into her sex and then fucked her roughly. Perhaps then Laura would see him as an exciting lover, not just a dog walking friend.


To be continued?

Friday, January 4, 2008

Tongue Tied

Laura called Dave this morning. Jake was ready for his walk, will he meet her? Dave wanted to say no, but of course he could not. The chance to see Laura again could not be refused. It was a chilly breezy morning, she arrived bundled in a jacket, hair down on her shoulders, smiling.... Dave wanted to kiss her, to hug her. But instead, they walked for 90 minutes. He told her about the movie he watched Let Sleeping Dogs Lie and she blushed and turned away when he told her about the girl's dark secret, that she gave a blow job to her dog. Clearly they did not share the same taste in movies. He knew of course that Laura was more a Disney movie kind of girl. But he told her anyway.

Several times as they walked, he tried to get the words out "I love you" but, part afraid of embarrassing Laura, part of being rebuffed, he refrained. He would start to say something, then stopped. "You don't want to hear what I was about to say," he said. She replied "sometimes if you think you should not say something, it's better left unsaid." He thought that she knew what was on his mind. And clearly she was not going to reciprocate. Several times she got up to leave but then stayed... Finally, as she was leaving, he put his arm around her, he could sense her pulling away. He suggested to her that she pass his number onto another girl in her building who he had met briefly and thought might be interested in him... Thinking that perhaps, if he could move on, the heartache that was crushing him would be eased.

After she left, he wanted to text her, to say, "For 90 minutes I've been on the edge of blurting out I LOVE YOU." But he didn't. Because, underneath, he was a wimp. A wimp afraid of losing her forever. Of being rejected.

Do you have advice for Dave? Please leave a comment. He could use your help :)

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Thank you ? Thank you ?

After his previous tongue tied encounter with Laura, Dave felt like an idiot. The next day he left for work early to avoid her. Later that night, he decided to text her. "Sorry I acted weird yesterday. Should be around for a walk 2morrow." She replied, "Apology accepted! Will call u if I am up on time".

So today, shortly after 9am she called, she was on her dog walk, would he join her? Of course. He had been pondering what to say to her for hours, had written a little speech and memorized it. So, after they had walked a little bit, they stopped to let the dogs play. Laura was prattling on about something but finally he managed to get his turn.... "Laura, the reason I was acting weird the other day is that I wanted to say something, and could not get it out. The thing is, I have a BIG crush on you. I think you are fantastic. Not just attractive, but great. And yes, I know you are committed to "other guy" but I felt I needed to tell you, to clear the air."

Laura was looking at her dog. She simply said "Thank you". Kind of like maybe she was thanking the dog for bringing the ball back. He wasn't sure. She did not say anything like "You're a nice guy but..." or anything like that. No "I'm sorry but ..." Just that one "Thank you". No hug. No nothing. It was just like he had said "You've got a great ass" and she said "Thank you". They talked for a few minutes about other things. Then he got a phone call and had an excuse to leave. He felt awkward, sorry he said it. And desparately disappointed in the minimal reaction he got, after all his pondering about what to say. But relieved it was out.

Now he could move on. Or could he?

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Wondering

All day, Dave kept wondering about Laura's basic response. Why did she not say something to let him down easy? After all the walks they had spent together, confidences shared? How could she be so cold, so unfeeling? Had he caught her by surprise? He did not think so. After the conversation at the dog park a few days earlier where he told her he really liked her? Maybe he should have rambled on a bit more about his love for her. Was she so self absorbed? He thought back to all the times they had walked. He did not recall her ever saying anything nice about him. At least his other dog walking friend Ella had noticed when he had a haircut! Yet, Laura kept meeting him. Calling him when she was leaving on her walks. Coming by his house. Taking her dog into his yard to play. He wondered about "Dead Guy". Laura had said that she did not really like him. Yet she had dated him, slept with him for several weeks, he was not sure how long. What was "Dead Guy" like? In addition to being a two-timing bastard. At least "Dead Guy" had gone to an early grave knowing Laura more intimately than Dave apparently would ever know. So he was a two-timing LUCKY bastard.

Dave was a timid guy when it came to meeting girls, talking to them. Not bold and brazen. Maybe he should have come out earlier and just said "You're hot. Want to come to my place and fuck?" But that was not Dave. That was probably "Other Guy's" style.

Shit Fuck Damn!

Not alone...

So, Dave has been sharing his woes with Buster, who was sympathetic in a "take me for a walk, feed me, play with me, I'll be yours forever" kind of way, and some friends, including Ella, who provided sympathy but no solutions other than trying to fix him up with her friend. But seeing that the friend is allergic to dogs Dave did not see that going well. Since Buster likes to sleep on Dave's bed while he is at work :)

So Dave's been wasting time googling around to find solutions to his agony/dilemma/pain. Google for "unrequited love" and you come up with 1.1 million results. So apparently Dave's not the first person this has happened to. (He knew that. 25 years ago he was madly in love with Grace, the sexy Japanese telex operator at his company. She told him she thought he was handsome (he used to be, just like his hair used to not be gray). She had lunch with him several times. But she married some loser and he got over her. Eventually.) Anyway, from the Googling you can tell, there are a LOT of Daves out there. Hi, y'all.

Dave found a post on a BBC.CO.UK site written by Kevin Darling which included this tidbit:

"And remember, you're not alone. Unrequited love is just an unavoidable part of life - if it can happen to Jennifer Aniston, it can happen to anyone."

Reassuring? No. For people that have not yet blurted out their adoration to the loved one, there's a link there to eCrush.com which can send an anonymous email to your loved one to find out who they love - hopefully you will be on the list if they reply at all. They also have some pickup lines... which he will save for future use. But in Dave's case (a) he does not have Laura's email address and (b) he knows she does not love him. She loves "Other Guy".

But knowing how crappy it feels for others somehow helps. He found a site where "Steve-O" shares his feelings on the "Agony and Rapture" of Unrequited Love. he offers "other ways of self torture." But so far Dave have not found a solution from Steve-O on how to turn things around. If there are ways to make Laura love Dave, tell him about them. But he thinks it's a lost cause.


The torture continues....

Over the weekend, Dave did not hear from Laura. He went to the dog park with Buster and chatted with a couple of attractive females, thinking that if he could only meet someone else ... while they were friendly, he did not know how to chat up women. Later that day, he contemplated sending Laura a text message asking for some sort of feedback. He created it. But did not send it. Did not want to freak her out with more weirdness. Better that it was said in person.

Monday morning, he hears Buster barking excitedly in the back yard... he knew she was in the neighborhood. He looked outside but could not see her. Then the phone rang, yes it was Laura. She was walking on the other side of the apartment complex wall, yet the dogs had smelled each other. He chatted on the phone with her for 5 minutes, she seemed oblivious to their previous conversation and made no reference to it. And Dave figured it was better to have "the conversation" face to face. Where he could see her expression. Her last words were, "I have to hang up now, I am getting in the shower." Yes, Dave was left with the image of Laura's tight body naked in the shower. On the one hand he was relieved that their relationship had not come to an abrupt end. But on the other hand, disappointed that she had not recognized that he needed some sort of explanation.

Resolution, sort of...

After several days of moping, including a short walk with Laura where she prattled on and he just listened politely, Dave finally mustered the courage to talk seriously with her. He sent her a text message asking her to call. He wrote out a little speech and memorized it. The next morning she did call. She was on her dog walk, but inside the apartment complex, avoiding direct contact. Which was OK for Dave. He was able to read his speech pretty much word for word.

Since our conversations last week, where I told you I really like you, that I have a big crush on you... I've been a bit messed up. Now I know that you have a boy friend that you are serious about, that he may be Mr Right, and so I was not expecting you to say that you felt the same way. I get that. But what I was hoping for was some indication from you as to how you feel about me. I want to know what "Thank you" meant. We've spent a lot of time together walking and I've asked you out a few times and you always had an excuse. What is it about me that mades you hesiate about dating me? Weight, fitness, body, age, gray hair, bad breath, or something about the way I act? I'd really appreciate some feedback... I don't want to stay single forever and hope that I can learn something from this experience.

Laura did not come out with a specific answer. She mostly attributed it to timing and chance. She did not say anything positive about Dave, but neither was there anything negative. It was more like, "When you first asked me out, I thought there was a chance I might get back with my husband. Then that did not pan out but later I met this guy and already had strong feelings for him. So when you asked me out again I was already involved." She did say that she was embarrassed by some of the comments he had made of a sexual nature, so clearly she was a little prudish. But he could have fixed that, been more careful what he said. She seemed to ignore the other times in between when he had suggested activities, the concerts he invited her to, dog park visits, and been turned down But what was the point? She either was trying not to hurt him or maybe did not think enough about him to ever have considered him date material. At any rate, it was clear that she did not have feelings for him. And he had an answer. Not a great answer, but not a very hurtful one either.

It was time to move on. [Read the next segment here]

Realization

Dave attempted to avoid Laura. He kept his dog inside at the time she normally walked. He had started saving a newspaper for her mother, so he texted her a note that his newspaper was in his mailbox, and then left. She picked it up while he was out and texted thanks to him. Mission accomplished. But then later that day she called and said she was walking by and Buster was barking, so of course he had to walk with her! They did not discuss relationships.... they had a nice chat, avoiding awkward subjects.

The next day, he was walking alone, thinking about the time she had spent at the hospital when her boyfriend was ill. His nicer side spoke up. She must really care for him. Clearly Dave was being self-centered. Maybe Laura, who had been separated from her husband for 16 years and clearly had been on an emotional rollercoaster, had found true love, or even something close. So why was Dave being so selfish? He had been separated for about half a year. Was not even divorced yet. If Laura was his friend - and she was - then Dave should be supportive of her. Glad that she was finally happy.

Of course, his counterpart, evil Dave, still hoped for an end to Laura's relationship. So that he could jump in as the white knight and commiserate with her. Take her in his arms and comfort her as she cried....